More Than Just Being

Sure Ash the Weave!

2007-01-19T06:57:00.000-08:00

This is my first post for the "new" year. Here goes........

My life is now a crazy rollercoster reeling to places and situations that I wouldn't have dared imagine. But what can I say, fate and bit of serendipity made the lad. First of all, I'm in the Maskara Dramatics Club. We're gonna stage "Once on this Island" and I'm a storyteller. Whoopee! Love the way I tell the story. If only I wouldn't have to dance as much....

If last year I was having a hard time juggling school and leisure (and everything in between), just imagine how I'm feeling so short of breath everyday. Just think, I forego assignments till the morning, and guess what? Between bites of cereal, I'm frantically banging my head for answers for a tiring English assignment. Then there's Math, and Geom quizzes, and oh you know, highschool life blahblah.

So, in moments of sanity, I stop, and take a look at all the corny jokes I've said (credits to some batchmates, who introduced me on what corniness TRULY is), take a deep breath, and say "Everything will be ok." Mai pen rai. In fact, when the lights have finally dimmed on our "auditorium", I'm going to miss being part of the Maskara, and an unstable life full of exclamation marks.

It's time to go back to researching on psoriasis now. I had to coax my fat ass out of its comfortable position and had to make my eyes wander from the Tonight Show. Oh well, ganyan talaga ang buhaaaaaaay!!!!

idarapartra and sulayman

2006-12-13T03:44:00.000-08:00

"don't stop come a little closer..."

It's from Nokia's ad...cool. I don't really like techno...but the song is cool enough (by the way,I'm blabbering...so,don't mind me.)

well anyway....

christmass....woopee?let me yawn first....

WOOPEE!

It's THAT time of the year

2006-11-29T23:28:00.000-08:00

December's coming!
Spread the Christmas cheer everybody!!!!!!
Oh yeah, christmas....

I'm getting giddy over my christmas tree!
Woohoo!

Exhaling Again

2006-11-22T04:48:00.000-08:00

The afternoon's setting sun unleashed a fury of emotions.

1st:Exhaustion
I had an exhibit hangover.I was tired, seething and quite faked up because of all the dirt accumulated in the exhibit.

2nd:Anxiety and Exhaustion
I lost two things not belonging to me.First was Camille's oversized sunglasses (I'll try to find them! I swear by the glow of the moon!) and oh never mind........

3rd:Emo!
Yup. I Tangaed like there was no tomorrow and I was wondering if my purpose in life was finished and I was bidding my time on earth. Oh, and I freaked out everyone I was talking to by talking nonsense.

4th....
The sky was quietly turning indigo. Me and a friend were talking about stuff. We talked about you-might-not-know-who and who struts in but YMNKW! Haha....well....I was speechless for a whole hour.

I forgot about the exhaustion, the anxiety and my emo phase just faded out into the darkness where it belongs. For just a moment, because of just one moment, I forgot. It's nice to forget. It's nice to leave the past behind, and release that balled up emotions into the twilight.

I'm rambling again. It's time to heal. What this week has done, fate is trying to undo. It's time to heal.

When screaming just won't do!

2006-11-21T05:54:00.000-08:00

I have paint all over my hands. My eyes are itchy as hell. I should do important things but, like what I more often than not continue to do, wish to throw them all away to the abyss where they came from. Oh wait a minute, am I being the grump of the day? Youbetchabygollygeewhiz!

These past two days, my emotions are like a swinging pendulum (read:emotional wreck). I laugh one minute and go completely blank and seething the next. I go hyper and can whiz through tasks before you can say "up!" then I suddenly realize.....what the fake!!!

All because of one event: The Exhibit (brings to mind a museum of strangled body parts and laughing hyenas). I can just hear the screams of anguished students crying out for justice.

Oh, and yesterday, I was absolutely furious at two pigs who were bothering me till kingdom come. They kept making fun of me (so elementary, pare!) and were at my back all the time (and to think, I was just having my usual tanga before class!). I was so angry that I borrowed a paper from my classmates and wrote the words "pigs!" and "hell incarnates" over and over again. PIGS! HELL INCARNATES! Please, the two pigs of 2 Gold, don't bother me and get a life!

Moving on with this angry post of mine, what the hell is happening to our classroom! It's as blank as the wall I keep staring at! I hate to say it but...I'm so disappointed. I'd rather keep quiet.

No, I won't. Just a few hours ago, I was so drained and quite seething that I literally crumpled to the floor and stared for a few minutes. My classmates thought I was sleeping. Uh no, my mind was just going blank, refusing to take all the harassments encountered during the day.

I sigh, droop my head and silently, wistfully, look back at the good ol' days.

got soul

2006-10-30T03:24:00.000-08:00

"On the field I remember you were incredible
Hey shut up hey shut up yeah
On the field I remember you were incredible
Hey shut up hey shut up yeah"

So I said, EDSA II, ya know? I am so weird and rambling.

I got soul but I'm not a soldier.

Sink with an open drain!!!

2006-10-27T23:58:00.000-07:00

"My head is a box full of nothing...and that's the way I like it!"

So tomorrow's the day. I don't really feel anxious or I dunno have a "please-let-time-stop" moment. I JUST WANT TO GET THIS OVER WITH! It all comes down to tomorrow. It's ok, I'm not hyperventilating. For those who know lang. Whatever happens, I'll take it all in a stride.

In other news, I don't have a cellphone for the time being. It's really blissful ya know, not having to worry about text messages or replying. Somewhere deep in my subconcious mind, I might be regretting the fact that I'm cut off from the mobile world. Let me think....nah. I'm happy I don't have a cellphone.

"So please...baby please.....open your eyes and catch my disease..."

I'm done watching the complete Season 2 of Grey's Anatomy. Dili man hanging! I'd like to say, I'm sick of Mer and Der's relationship. Move on for God's sake! Married lagi si Der, ay na palag! Oh and Izzie puts the ass in "embarrass", she threw off her whole career just for a dead guy, and she tried to help him in the SICKEST way.

Cristina Yang is still the best. Go Dr. Yang! You're my anti-stupidity!

I've learned a few lines from dear Grey:
"I am a sink with an open drain. Anything you say goes right through me!"

I figure I'll use that for some of you guys....

All in all, I'm babbling, ranting, raving, spewing forth useless words that mean nothing. Oh well, I am a sink with an open drain..... :D

Thursday Night

2006-09-01T05:14:00.000-07:00

I promise this to myself.....THURSDAY is my day.
Everything should be done before Thursday night.
I will not do anything on Thursday nights (except assignments).
Scratch that........

Everything should be done before Grey's Anatomy.
Then sleep.....
Isn't life great??

Grey!!!!!

2006-08-29T06:52:00.000-07:00

Yes, I am a couch potato but no, there are only a few shows I consider gems that are worthwhile. I'm not taken by Naruto, Spongebob sickens me (big, evil smile), One Tree Hill and The OC are tied up to my subliminal mind as swooning teenage girls who want to lose weight. I find every telenovela, chinovela and koreanovela PATHETIC and ANNOYING. I could rattle off some more shows but no, I stop here (by the way, I'm lost on "Lost" and 24 and Alias give me a whaaaat???).

Yes, I am a couch potate but no, my tastes are fickle. Yes, I have watched the shows mentioned above one way or another but that doesn't mean I adore them (opposite in fact). But one show really caught my attention to the point that I've spent a whole lunch surfing about them during fiesta (eating lechon while reading character bios). Well, I don't think you guys would know the show but I must scream the show that has made me laugh and give me brain food all at the same time...it's *drumroll* GREY'S ANATOMY!!!

It started out with a fascination. Who is that pretty girl who I keep seeing on Studio 23 talking about surgery...hmm....then I watched the DVD of Season 1 and bam! I fell in love with the colorful surgeons of Seattle Grace Hospital. What really drew me in hook,line and sinker was that it wasn't a medical show full of boring surgeons rattling of diseases, it was more than that. It was funny, and smart, and thought-provoking and it was like Ally Mcbeal in a hospital setting. of All I can do now is await the season finale to be aired this week, wondering, waiting......para sa katong makarelate lang...and by the way, I was so sad Sandra Oh (who plays Dr.Cristina Yang, the cold b*tch of the hospital) didn't receive the Emmy. No one so cold has given so much warmth and joy.

Go Grey's Anatomy!!!You rock my world!!!!!(wa na ni....)

Wondering

2006-08-26T06:36:00.000-07:00

Who is she? What does she do on rainy nights like this? What does she normally eat during snack time? Really, who is she?

What does she want to do when she grows up? Does she love vanilla or chocolate, is she a dog-person or cat-lover? What makes her smile, that smile that makes her eyes shine and me daydream in a boring class. Who is my girl??

When you sat next to me, did you know? When you laughed at my goofiness, did you see me smile back? When I wronged, did you see me break a sweat?

"Marl, kinsa na sya??"An inquiring mind asked....I asked myself, kinsa kaha noh?? Listen everyone, I never knew...but now I know. Shh...it'll be our little secret.

I ask myself these questions because I know where it'll lead me to (ehem...). I quote myself "Not love, nor infatuation, but hope.", and you know what guys? I feel as if my hope is propelling me to somewhere new, where a dream can mean reality, and reality is just a dream.

For now, I quietly wonder. But like what someone said "It's better to know than wonder." and I honestly hope, my questions will be answered by her.

Loud and Annoyed -_-

2006-08-22T06:12:00.000-07:00

I'm pissed. This day has been so draining and pathetic I can't even begin to comprehend the fact of it's patheticness. Gawwwwd!!!!

For start, I don't know why I'm pissed or I can't put my oh so proverbial fingers on that one spot that hits the bullseye. That's what has been nagging me all evening since I came home and slept with my uniform on! Come dinner time, I found my face contorting into a hollow, grim, don't-touch-me-or-I'll-bite-you look. If you only saw me, you would have thought I was on Botox because my face just had that fake, unwrinkled expression.

I wish that all these "angst" that I'm feeling right now can all just bug off and STAY AWAY FROM ME!!I want to be a happy kid and I want to stay that way.I go to school seeing the same faces, learning the same things, doing the old routine, that I just don't want it anymore.

I was walking through school and I realized, why do I bother? On one side, there are some schoolmates of mine talking about their lovelife and singing the same highschool musical songs and cursing, and laughing and acting cool taking pictures of themselves on their cellphones. Shaaatap!!!Isn't there anything else to do?

Then there are people grouped together who stand around a food area talking loudly and looking at the next person they'll devour or the guitar players and their brood who can't separate a bar from a school. You think it's entertaining???I guess it is, but most of the time, give me a break.

I'm sorry. I'm just pissed. I find that my life has climaxed into badmouthing other people in school. I'm sooo sorry. Go on with whatever you're doing. Live your life. Love it.

As for me, I sit and wonder when that glorius hour will come when I suddenly realize, I need to sleep.

Oh and by the way, I'm soooo antisocial.

Sitting Beside Me

2006-08-10T07:20:00.001-07:00

You came and I noticed. I knew something was coming, I just didn't believe. I couldn't, I wouldn't, I was the only one blind in a land of one-eyed freaks. But no, it hit me big time, it hit me in the moments of still pondering, of staring blankly at the wall, of staring blankly at time. No, it's not love. No, it's not infatuation. It's something else...which makes this heart of mine flutter with undescribable hope. Oh you and your ways....

You came in a hot day full of dirty floors and buzzing fans. I remember, I just had lunch (or was it snacks) and I was preoccupied with my life that seemed to be filled with questions and exclamation marks. Then you came along, wizzing past me with an air of nonchalance. I gave out a smile deep inside me, and my inner feuds were quelled with your sweet voice. Stupid me, giving a glance, I knew there was something about you.

And so, pretending to be preoccupied, I lived like nothing happened. But no, something did happen. I sit near you, not knowing if this would be another day or an experience I'll never forget. But I was still blind! Blinded by a spirit that refused to believe. I closed my eyes even before I opened it. Silly me! How many tries did you have to try to freeze this drenching cold.

I sat, then you sat...right next to me.

My day was complete. This is not love, nor infatuation. This is hope...glorious hope.

For those who know what I'm talking about....ooops...no one does.

Nagtatanga na Ako

2006-08-03T05:58:00.000-07:00

"When I became bored (to death one rainy day....)"

The rain drops
To my soul
Drenching me
With its coolness

Like a drooping flower

Soaked and forlorn
The rain drags
To who knows where

It soaks my dreams
Drenches my spirit
And makes me dazed
Like a helpless patient

As a drop falls
In this giving earth
Hope springs forth
A new day begins

I noticed something happening to me these past few weeks. I guess its always been with me but I just never realized it. Ok, here goes....I'm blanking out big time.I've come to realize that staring blankly at space has become a national pastime of mine these weeks. I mean, I knew I had "tanga" moments every other day but now, its like every other hour or any chance I get.Hmm... am I doomed?

This tangatisis usually happens during after school hours in the lobby. I sit in a secluded spot and I stare....and stare....and stare.Even if I join some friends, I'd get bored and just space out from reality. I'm now usually seen staring at the floor or sky or hmm....a bag and be blank till the cows come home. No matter how many schoolmates pass me by and say an occasional "Hi!", I only respond quietly and continue in my "own world". What in the world...

What irks me most is when others call me and say "Mr Lonely..." or "Mar, serious kay ka!". It makes me boil all over. I don't want to talk to you this moment, I'd rather be alone, ok???I guess I'm becoming a loner but I'd rather be by myself and be comfortable in my own skin than hang out with a bunch of people feeling like I should be sociable. Puhleeeez....

But that doesn't mean I don't want company. I enjoy company even! It's just that, in this tumultous stage called adolescence (ngeek!haha...), I feel as if I need to space out and discover what really lurks in the dungeons of my mind. Scratch that, like I'm really thinking deep thoughts. Most of a time, I'll just sit and think...."Why is the sky blue??". Haha....I need to get a life.

Oh well, just a phase....maybe. But whatever happens, I'm enjoying it. I've gone past the stage of being too anxious and pathetic. I need to live my life. I need to get away.

One School Night: The Roach

2006-08-01T03:44:00.000-07:00

It was just another school night. After searching the net for pictures on my collage, I go to my room to work on my English Card. So, naive me, went to my room when I suddenly froze in terror because of some creature I saw. If you saw my face, you would have thought that I just saw a white crow! I became instantly paralyzed and a primal instinct in me told me if I should fight or flee. For there, my friends, I saw a cockroach scurrying around my room. The horror...the horror.

I always despised cockroaches and have a weird paranoia about them. There brown, ugly wings make me puke and scowl. I'm hanging only by a thread in declaring myself cockroach-phobic and I admit, I can't gather any wit I have to even dare to kill them! There, I said it! The truth shall set me freeeee!!!! I have a theory (that I invented just about....now) that the reason why they survived every freaking disaster in this earth and may continue to survive is because

they have evolved to the point of almost becoming immortal
they suck the living daylights out of people (like me) who get scared of them and convert it to massive power

So, I finally gathered enough wits to cautiously go nearer to the critter. I wonder, ]

"Oh God! What if it suddenly comes near me and goes into my mouth!". Experience gave me a scare one night when talking to my sis, a cockroach suddenly flies at me and lands in my head! I could only do sooo much not to faint and sanitize myself with alcohol.

3 painstaking minutes later, I stamp my feet and....it goes away, lost in the shadows of the night, seen only in my nightmares.

Free from the F....

2006-07-21T07:57:00.000-07:00

I deleted the very thing that kept my precious hours wasted like thrown rice in a canal. It was my frequent place to go in the tangled web, but now, I snapped it into two.

Yes, I deleted my Friendster account. Gasp everyone. You know you want to.

But no, I didn't decide that riveting decision with just a snap. It didn't need a snap. I just deleted it.Out of the blue, I just said "Hmm...I'll delete my Friendster.". Five seconds later....buhbye!

And guess what guys, lightning didn't strike me! I LIVED! Hahahaha!!! Bye testimonials that are sometimes pathetic, bye profile that is very tiring, bye friends that I sometimes don't know, bye Friendster!!!!Rejoice!!!!

I qoute this commercial.....

"Uuuuy...ang ganda.Aaaaay....di pala." That's exactly what is going through my mind right now, and the big F that goes with it.

I'll live. In fact, I'm doing it right now.

Fare you well

2006-06-15T03:30:00.000-07:00

Rain pounds outside and engulfs my ears overwhelmingly. I yawn and savor the expectation of another cold night of blankets and pillows. The cool wind kisses my face and I know that another day has ended. Oh well, life goes on. Days flash before my eyes blurrily and unkept like a raging tempest passed by a filthy room.

It's the end. End of looking at the keyboard as if words would suddenly, magically, appear on the screen. End of stretching my fingers after a streak of creativity. The last turn for me, my blog will be left collecting dust until I deem fit to resurrect it from it's shelf. And so you will find unupdated posts and the aura of a lonely alley in a dreary, sleepy town. Don't shed a tear, the rain can do it for you.

I'm zapped from finding the will to write now (well, write in my blog specifically). It's not writer's block, it's just a bout of the colds. You don't burn a whole house down because you don't like your room, right? Nye, life goes on.

When our adviser told us what our responsibilites as a student was, I had a hard time finding the word "punctuality". I just couldn't point my finger on it and I just can't point a fingerprint on my sudden loss for words. Maybe I'll find the answer, and maybe, that answer will be like a Spongebob in a sea of Squidwards. But unlike Sponge, I'm not ready.

To part, I would like to leave you, my dear audience, this dialogue between Lisa, Bart and Homer Simpson.

Bart: Nothing you say can upset us. We're the MTV generation.
Lisa:We feel neither highs or lows.
Homer: Really? What's it like?
Lisa:[shrugs] Meh.

And I too respond on my lack of zest, Meh. To my fellow readers, it's been nice knowing ya. Who knows where the road may lead. May the light guide our way. Tata!

Rupturing Universe

2006-06-05T19:43:00.000-07:00

I don't tick away the days till school starts and I can't find the time to arrange my books and notebooks that are just piled in a heap. All around me, I see news of a new schoolyear, a new start, and kids in uniforms going to school. All I can heave is a sigh, all I can do is watch as I try to make my askewed glasses not fall off. The world seems to go in a whirl nowadays. When yesterday my favorite pastime was turning on the airconditioner, now, I'm curled against a wall and cling to my blanket like it's some lifesaver.

Change really does come unexpectedly and surprisingly. The past summer has taught me so many things about myself and my life. Likes I liked are thrown in the garbage, and things that I would have shunned have become something of a love. As a new schoolyear approaches, something in me says that the universe I have known is constantly in a rupture.

Take my fond of chatting in mIRC for instance. A few months ago, I wouldn't have resisted the urge to chat the night away with people I knew. But now, it seems as if, chatting is the most trivial thing I can imagine. My glasses have been like my second pair of eyes literally, at times I forget that I even put it on. But summer changed all that. It got unbalanced and now it's the most unnatural thing to use it. The list goes on....my shoe size, my height and weight, my thoughts and views, my dreams and biological clock. The sun of the season has changed me.

A glorious sunset awaited me one brownout afternoon. I stood there entranced by the changing colors of the clouds and the twinkling lights of the city before me. It was pinkish when I sat in the red "director's chair" and it was quietly indigo when the lights came back. I felt as if it was life and it's changing hues and tones. It might be dull or brilliant at times, but it's always glorious. And what sent it's shifting ways? Change itself.

Change will always be a part of our lives. It might come in simple forms or a complex nature, but in the end, it comes. It took me a whole summer to realize it's importance. It took the whole sky to make me see it. I still don't feel the urge to pack my things for school, but hey, I might change later.

Summer Side (Poem.2)

2006-05-26T01:46:00.000-07:00

It just dawned on me, summer is leaving once again. How many days will it be until it's back to the hurl and curls of school?Rains are coming bringing another palette to the sky. Summer....oh summer.

To the Beauty of Time

I knew that the winds of change were coming

When I heard the thunders a' rolling

A raindrop fleeing from the sky

Summer at last bade goodbye

To see her shining face divine

And feel her soft wind one last time

Her lullabies that give the Sandman laughter

And make me dream of dreams thereafter

With her rays I basked with glee

Under the shade of the mango tree

Her soul fluttering through my veins

Through busy streets and lonely lanes

I held onto her hand,said "Leave me not!

It's you I want and always sought"

But her time had come to fold her dress

And her memories to me she softly carresed

Now all that's left are happy remembrance

Where I was once quietly entranced

In ponds of memories she is there

And I am too,without a care

She flees,she stops, she quietly goes

And where she'll be I do not know

Farewell, oh happy summer days

Farewell my simple ways

I hope you had a great summer guys. These were the best times of my life.

Finding School Shoes

2006-05-23T19:26:00.000-07:00

I have a love-hate relationship with trips to the mall for school shopping. That big box of capitalism is filled with swarming consumers, overzealous salesladies and big, glaring "Free this!" or "Sale that!" as if the world would end tomorrow. This kind of scenario was begrudgingly (though not unexpectedly) met by yours truly when I entered the sacred halls of mallburbia.

Of course, I knew that people would get sucked into malls like vampires thirsting for blood. I knew trouble was in the air when we saw A LOT of cars in the parking space. But since gasoline is precious and time is golden, we braved through. It was like going to a sanitized war of wits and wills.

Mom and I went to the mall's department store looking for black school shoes. My old ones were now skinned, peeled and aching to smile. What met us were rows and rows of shoes that looked all the same. I began to feel agitated, twiddling my fingers and clasping my hands together as if I had an alien hand I was trying to control. Mom asked me what I wanted and I, being the undecisive freak that I am, only gave her a blank stare and a mumble of "I don't know....".

We proceeded to idly look and feel the shoes but then a salesman came rushing by us (rhinoceros!!!) asking us what shoe do I want to fit.Woah!Hold on there amigo!My thinking brain wasn't in full gear yet. I was still like a gullible consumer waiting at the first sign for a sale. Thankfully, mom was there to give him "the cold stare of back-off!".

Sooooo, mounting anxiety of finding the right shoe later, we see a well-lighted and not too densely populated niche in the shoe department. A helpful saleslady was there (the ones that don't pounce on you) to give the lowdown. Mom and the saleslady were giving me questioning looks because I still couldn't decide which shoe to fit first. I was beginning to sweat like hell. The spotlight and anxiety were driving me crazy!

First shoe:too big.Second:too small.Third,fourth,fifth:Too big,small,ugly,weird....and finally!We settled on that perfect fit. The feeling of finding the black shoe is like finding a needle in a too big,small,ugly and weird haystack.

The mall is one big scary place and finding the right shoe is like finding the Holy Grail. But if the shoe fits, it's like finding that one right thing in an otherwise hyped-up and misguided world.

Poem.1

2006-05-22T06:10:00.002-07:00

Solitude

I wait for time to pass

As I lie on sunburnt grass

Beneath a starry blanket,

I feast on heaven's banquet

The summer breeze kisses

My cheeks and it wishes

That I sleep and dream of laughter

And cloudless nights sought after

I wait for time to be

Standing still and free

And quelling the inner feud

I find my solitude

The Horror of the Baby

2006-05-17T09:41:00.000-07:00

Stressed.I never knew that life could be so hard on me.I was drowning on the cries of angry customers waiting for their food,paying their check and that STUPID baby which I just want to strangle.Ugh!!!Being a waiter is soooo tiring.It's more tiring if you're the only one who's managing 20 tables all at once (I sympathize with all the waiters and waitresses in the world!).

Well,no,I have not become a waiter suddenly like as if I had an epifany and one day just said "I want to be a waiter!".No.Not gonna happen because I'm not going to Hollywood annnytime now. What I'm ranting about these past few days are downloadable games from the net.And trust me, if I knew how I could be so traumatized by angry babies wanting food,then I wouldn't have said yes to the free trial in the first place.

I became Flo, the owner turned waitress (not because of bankruptcy but because she wanted to help a friend...uhuh?).Then a gardener helping grandma out of her tax debt with the help of a squirrel that plants tomato seeds.And a flirting baker and hmm...I'm planning on becoming an aquarium owner.At first,I was thrilled having free trial games.But after the incident of angry, angry customers, I decide that I'm lying low for awhile when it comes to internet games.

When did my euphoria end?It all started when I was playing the character of Flo, the waitress. At first,everything was dandy.It was heaven being at the beck and call of teenagers and throwing trash out.Then, a baby from a family I was serving was crying, and angry businesswomen were leaving, and I was reduced to being a servant serving menus, cleaning garbage,giving checks and dare I say it,being a janitor for about 50 people all at once.Not such a mean deal?When a blue haired teenager wants you to get her order,a businesswoman wants to pay her bill,a family and some teenagers want their food all at once and another family has a crying baby because he can't wait for his highchair, then all hell will break loose. I couldn't stop complaining!They just couldn't wait!I only have two hands here!!!!I can't serve all of you at once!

Then the angry customers of my bakeshop,then all the wasted melon seeds due to flying pests! Aaaaaargh!!!I can't do this anymore!!!I quit!I need to get a life!

It's funny how games can either make you or break you.I now see why that too much video games can burn a whole through your brain (just kidding)!!!!

I abhor impatience!I protest to unequal ratios in games!There should be no crying babies in any game at all!NONE!NONE!NONE!!!!I won't play!They can't make me!

Then again,I finished downloading another internet game.It's a whirlwind of a pathetic experience but you just can't blame the thrill of another game.

Molds,germs and 80-year-olding

2006-05-06T07:57:00.000-07:00

The Mold of Life

When you learn that there are actual living organisms that thrive in your "eyes", you know you're in for a whole lot of trouble. This is what I found one hot afternoon day when I found some sort of molds growing in the back of the part of your glasses wherein it supports your nose (yup,those kind of eyes). It was horror and the sight of those green monsters led me to believe that if life can thrive right under your very eyes, it can certainly thrive in Mars...and beyond.

"How did those molds get there?", that's the million simoleon question. I've been wondering about it over in my head since the day I learned that dreadful moment of sad epifany.Could it have come from ancient bacteria that have remained dormant but suddenly became active due to the hot summer months? Or maybe...it's a kind of species that grows in domestic and mundane stuff!gasp!Call the police and stop the press!

Then again, due to the excess oil that comes with what scientists called adolescence plus the fact that, I also sweat like any other human being (plus other factors), molds might be a by-product of nearsightedness and wearing glasses.The sad realities of life....I hope it's just some plastic turning green (I also hope that I can talk to squirrels!). Oh, my sis has blue mold. Why can't I have a its-not-so-obvious-mold-color?Then again, if I make my glasses soaked in alcohol for 5 hours for 1 month,hmm...we might be getting somewhere.

The Germ Continues

"Retainers are infested with germs?!?" I asked my sister over and over again (my head too). It doesn't take a Ph.D. to know that dental affixes in your mouth can accumulate A LOT of unwanted bacteria due to saliva, food,umm...lack of saliva aka bad breath and I'm sure a whoooole lot more.So I was just playing dumb and defensive or just in a plain state of denial when I heard the fact. That's why the incidence of me leaving it behind anywhere has considerably lowered due to my paranoia of others catching a disease due to some germs in my retainers.And the fact that getting a saliva-dripping, wet and sticky something out of your mouth for the whole world to see is the equivalent of getting an overchewed bubblegum out of your mouth and aiming it to the mouth of your friend and getting it back using your feet. Uhuh... I said it...uhmm..hm.

The Day of Forgetting

I got out of my parents room to find out where in the world my retainers and glasses are.Minutes after I fear that I have Alzheimers, I notice something really weeeeeird.I checked my mouth and sure enough, my retainers were wedged firmly in place on my teeth.Bang....so that's where my retainers are,right inside my mouth!And I realized that I was already using my glasses all along!In fact, they were there guiding my eyes the whole time.Good grief.I'm only 14 years old and I don't realize that I'm actually using what I'm searching for. I had to sit down and frown for awhile before convincing myself that I'm not an 80-year-old man trapped inside a highschool boy. But then...

Me: Pol (my sis), where's that very thick dictionary?

Pol: Right below your feet.

Reality set in.I placed it there awhile ago.

I am sooo dead.And I sooooo need memory classes.

Sleep...sleeeeep........

2006-04-15T11:00:00.000-07:00

What time is it? I think it's past 12 or even 1 o'clock in the morn. Why can't I sleep? I need to sleep right now because my family and I are leaving early for a trip to Medina. They told me to sleep come 10:30 pm. I couldn't. I can't. When can I? Only God knows.

Is this insomnia? A condition where I dare not imagine even in my wildest dreams? Why can't I sleep???This isn't good. THIS CAN'T BE GOOD.

A few years ago, I bought a book titled "Sleepless in Manila". It was all about insomniacs and insomnia. I just read it without fear. Why should I think of insomnia? I sleep like a baby in a comfy cradle being lullabied with a caring mother in a cool night with stars shining bright and the moon glowing lazily in the black, serene sky. Woah! Where did that come from???

Fast forward today (not tonight anymore), and I CAN'T SLEEP. I'm like a baby in a comfy cradle hanging precariously from a cliff by some flimsy, 3rd-class thread being frightened by the crashing waves below me with a cloudy night that is hinting of rain. I NEVER EXPERIENCED ANYTHING LIKE THIS. It's frightening! And now I'll say this (complete with a gasping, choking desperate voice): "Heeeeeeeeeeeelppppppppp!!!!".

Maybe I'll watch some tv, or write something or google. Sis just popped out of the door and asked why I'm awake. Argh. Insomnia? Sugar rush brought by the Mountain Dew? A phase? Momentary insanity? Whoops!The dangling thread just broke. I'm now a baby falling into the darkness called insomnia.

Piece of Heaven

2006-04-07T02:21:00.000-07:00

When Cristopher Columbus returned to Spain from his fourth voyage to the New World in 1502, he brought treasures to King Ferdinand. He brought almond-shaped seeds to the king. These seeds would change my life forever. These seeds are called cocoa beans, the source of all chocolate and cocoa products I love to devour today. From these seeds come chocolate, and my little drink of ambrosia and a slice of euphoria.

I always loved chocolate. It has been one of the top foods I would always eat in a parallel universe wherein eating the food would never do me harm even if I ate TONS of it. This summer though, my craving for it heightened to about 120% (no seriously just 20%). When my breakfast chocolate cereal wasn't found this morning, I got bummed out. Then I realized, I ate the whole of it the night before. Spanish explorer, Hernando Cortez, said chocolatl (chocolate drink) was "the divine drink ... which builds up resistance and fights fatigue". I have to agree with Cortez and say the same for chocolate in every form possible.

Actually I learned that a new study suggests that consumption of certain chocolate can modulate synthesis of certain hormone-like compounds, or eicosanoids, which may help to maintain cardiovascular health by reducing blood vessel vulnerability and platelet clumping (from cocoapro.com). That's very interesting.....and (whatever it means) it sounds very good. Also, there are ingredients in certain chocolate products that can retard tooth decay. And we all know the famous "chocolate can help you feel loved" because it releases certain chemicals to your body (at least, that's what I think....). Well now, I'm taken!

Chocolate, for all its worth, is not only the product of some seeds, but a whole lot more. For all the people it comforted and fed & all the mouths that consumed it, it deserves praise. Theobroma cacao, the scientific name of the cacao plant, is "food for the gods" when translated in Greek (yeah!I'm a god!!!). That just goes to show that chocolate is divine and a piece of heaven.

Sun Allergy??

2006-04-06T07:24:00.000-07:00

You know you're staying way too much indoors when you become like a confused and dazed old fool when you step outside for awhile when the sun is shining. I admit it, I HAVE THE POTENTIAL TO BECOME A CREATURE OF THE NIGHT. It's summer but.....why don't I feel the urge to go out to bask in the sun's glow???

When I stepped on the roofdeck, the sun was shining in its full glory. I, like having a allergy, reacted with squinting my eyes like there was no tomorrow and gasping breaths (like I was dying or something). These are the scenarios that might have followed:

Hiss because my skin is sizzling and turning into ashes
Cover my blody with my cape and run off for cover
Go into a trance and declare "I see the light!!"
Screech, melt and become ooze
Become millions of bats and fly off into the night!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Seriously though, my sun exposure isn't that perfect. The whole morning, my time is devoted to the tv and computer while come afternoon, I'm found in my bed sleeping till the sun is hiding in the lofty horizon. Then, I'll wake up and become a bat!!!!!!!!!!

I will become a sunworshipper soon. I will soak in Vitamin D like my life depended on it. But right now......can someone get me an aspirin and some shades???

Cloudy Skies

2006-04-04T17:32:00.000-07:00

It's wonderful to break the monotony of life, even though you didn't do it in any way possible. I woke up as always but the sun didn't unbearably shine as always (what am I a vampire or something?)but instead, a cloudy sky greeted my face. I didn't expect this to happen so I was terribly surprised and happy. With that, I went down and ate some cereal and for once, discussed about the unexpected weather (and mom told me a ship in Malaysia sunk because of bad weather...oh...).

It's not that I hate the sun and despise the sunny weather that is summer. I'm just so boored with it. I can't do anything with it (or not trying to). I know many people worship it nowadays and bask in its pretty glow. I do too, sometimes. But loathing boredom and a routine, I get easily unhappy when it's sunny everyday and you don't do anything but stare blankly into space most of the time. Cloudy days are welcome too. They add great relief to the dazzle of summer.

I'm being too ungrateful to summer. I'm happy it's summer, it's me that has a problem getting out of monotony and/or boredom.

It actually rained when I finished breakfast. It was more of a drizzle actually. But if my contentment was compared to the raindrops, it would be fat and pouring. If cloudy skies was my hobby, rain would be my little kid. Rain, for me, is the icing in my cloudy cake, the centerpiece of my table. I actually stopped to admire the small drops.

The sun and the clouds are now playing hide-and-seek (more like, the clouds are hiding the sun whenever they sought it). It's kinda nice. At least, nature breaks its routine sometimes and gives me a break.

Ughing

2006-04-04T05:40:00.000-07:00

Ugh.ugh.ugh.ugh.Summer is so boooooring!!!!I don't know what to dooooo!I'm boored with my rouuutine!!!Ugh.

Somewhere, people are shouting for joy because summer is already rolling its dress so that they will now see how shining she is.Wohoo!Get a break.

I'm so tired right now. Tired of all this mundane days I'm having and toddally bored. The sad thing is, I don't want to do anything to make my boredom go away. I'm so lazy I can't even think of telling my feet to step somewhere besides the inside of my house. And whenever I do go out (more of necessity than anything else), its like "Dude, can I go back home now??". While that hollow voice is repeating over and over again, another voice is saying "Let's have fun!!!Let's eat somewhere!!!" and to shut it up, I'll sing "There's a hole in my pocket, my pocket, there's a hole in my pocket......" over and over and over and over again and again and.....again.

So, I hate boredom but I hate getting boredom out of my life. Empty, pathetic, ugh.

Circus and Geishas

2006-04-03T06:14:00.000-07:00

This is me living in a circus somewhere in Egypt and this is me being a jester in 17th century England. What's missing here is, me in Cagayan de Oro staring blankly into space.

I plan to go to Paris, France. Or Venice with its canals and stop by at, oh I don't know.......Rome. Then I'll join the circus and become a firebreather. I'll fly off to Alaska and learn to fish. Go to Aspen and learn to ski. Travel back in time to meet Sayuri the geisha and Chiyo the girl. But wait a minute.......I won't do those dreamy things because I can't even get out of this freakin' city that I'm living. If I only went as far as Kauswagan this summer, how do you expect me to go to somehere like Greece???Dream on, Marlo. Get a life.

I envy the people who can go out-of-town this summer. I mean, I know I'll go out eventually, but, I want to go now (whiney.....whiney.....whiney......)!!! How I long to say Adieu or whatever. Right now, I can just say.....

How you doing?????

Till death do us part

2006-04-02T19:17:00.000-07:00

What will I do today? The usual tv-sleep-read a book-sleep cycle (with plenty of eating time in between)???I don't know, it seems so boring all of a sudden. Isn't there something more better than this?

I'm not contented. Honestly, I want to go to summer school. I dunno, take Geometry or something? But placing "summer" and "school" side-by-side doesn't seem right. It's like you're saying peace and war are synonyms. I'll do it though if someone will accompany me. I'm just too bored to do anything right now.

Mom & Dad wants me to try Arnis. Ooh...a neighbor invited me (he was wearing white pants and all that martial arts stuff, he was what, 12??) and I politely (more like stutteringly) declined the offer. Where do they get these stuff??

Where do fishes go when they're stepped upon the snow? Or dried upon the sun to make bulad?

This isn't right. This is like a journal entry. Ugh. I'm sorry, I'll write somethng that at least resembles a consistent paragraph then a blabbering fool of sentences. Boredom...makes you do things that gives you the creeps.

The Heat of the Sun

2006-03-31T05:47:00.001-08:00

Adaptation. That's the key word. Our ancestors adapted to the cold environment by making clothes, kept themselves warm by using fires and a lot of other facts. Chameleons adapt to their environment (or should I say camaflouge?), snakes adapted to their blindness by being heat-sensitive and basically, all the kingdoms of life adapted to the changing ways of the earth to survive. Like some heat-sensitive (and sometimes hating) organism, I now have fairly adapted to the ways and heat of summer. Consider me, deshockified of the excrutiating heat. I can now stand being outside my room for 5-8 hours without sleeping in my room. Adaptation. It wasn't easy but hey, I can now survive summer.

Let's not get too confident though. I'm as precautious and as temperamental as a toddler that needs prozac or antidepressants to survive one hour eating a puree. It can get unbearably hot especially in the afternoon (around 3) and since nothing is good in tv, I usually turn into a hermit and go to my room. I will only emerge when it's dark (and then I will drink blood and turn into a bat!!!) and the sun is tucked safely away to serve its purpose in another part of the world. Then again, when the sun sets, the mosquitos go out to play (more like suck the living daylights out of you) at your feet, well at least our mosquitos.

And so, I do have some tolerance over the byproducts of summer. So bring it on! I'll turn on the aircon.

The Heat of the Sun

2006-03-31T05:47:00.000-08:00

And so, I do have some tolerance over the byproducts of summer. So bring it on! I'll turn on the aircon.

Z Softdrink

2006-03-30T05:29:00.000-08:00

The aftertaste still makes me cringe and want to throw up. Even though I gulped considerable amounts of water, it's polluting taste. Why in the world did I think of drinking the unholy contents of that blasted plastic cup. I didn't have even the least bit of pleasure when I drank it, and after that, hell broke loose in my tongue. I just want that taste to go away! What is this evil liquid? It's black and bubbly and smells like some witch brew only made in labs. Just the smell of it gives me the creeps. I know lots of you like it. Drink it till there's no tomorrow. Well, I usually don't. Especially if it's served in a plastic cup. The black liquid is none other than a popular softdrink that's black and bubbly. Let's name this drink Z.

Z is VERY famous. I think in every continent, it's known throughout. Here, there's even a catchy jingle to it. And with lots of people devouring it everyday, it can be our most favorite sweetheart if it was a person. It sponsors so many things and is even present in a contest that rhymes with the words Pelican Mydoll.

Oh but I LOATHE it. It's my Draco Malfoy to every Harry Potter. My Javert to a Jean Valjean. My Simon to every Paula. Curse its name! Curse it!

But I wasn't always this way. About 3 years ago, I was like every normal human being. I rejoiced at its presence and thirst for more whenever it ran out. I would saver the black liquid as it touched my lips and had a devotion for it. Then, I read some scandalizing facts about it. Like, to dilute one glass of Z you have to drink 20 glasses of water and some other stuff concerning sugar and preserve(atives). I still drank though. But I water binged. Ugh. Stuffing water into your already full mouth makes you feel as if you're drowning.

Then something happened that changed EVERYTHING.......

I was supposed to buy a juice rhyming with Frisky or Pesky. It bought for 10 pesos. So I said to the tindera, "Pesky, manang.". Seconds later, she handed me some cold drink I thought was Frisky. I walked out of the store and sipped Pesky but the liquid that reached my lips was Z. Uh-oh. I wasn't in a Z moment back then and there was plenty of Z in that cup. There was no other choice but to drink everything......and my devotion stopped.

Its taste isnow alien to my tongue. And I don't drink it even though my family somehow loves it. I should too because my grandfather worked for Z once. They think it's...what's the word...self-denial? Truth be told, I just feel sick whenever I drink it. I only drink it now once in a very blue moon (like now). I'm not stopping anyone from drinking the Z drink. It might prevent cancer for all I care. Right now though, I'd rather drink the soup of balut.

The Local Bookstore

2006-03-29T02:55:00.000-08:00

When I visit my favorite bookstore, it can be like meeting an old friend whom you're very fond of but don't see often. I would be like a crazed worshipper when they would hold book sales and pride myself at the points I'm slowly gathering from their membership card.

But the two most recent visits I made have taught me A LOT about people and for awhile, that bookstore seemed to me of alien surroundings and all I can say was "Ugh.".

On my first visit, I breezed through with confidence and lightly stepped at their red tiles and passed their detectors. Just as I was making a beeline to their most recent (and probably popular) books, I suddenly felt a discomfort. I sensed some pair of eyes boring into my skull and looking at what I was doing. Looking at my back, I saw the security guard scrutinizing me and slightly grimacing as if I was some bug or stain in his immaculate uniform. We locked eyes for a few seconds and I quickly looked at the book I was holding. It was very uncomfortable. A thought suddenly struck in my mind. He was watching me because I didn't look like a "patron of their wares". Truth be told, I wasn't going to buy anything just yet. I was scouting for my next book and wanted to milk my money's worth. Having no more patience and trust, I got out in a hurry and rushed to an eyeglass store where mom and bro were staying.

I went to that same bookstore the next day to finally buy a book. As I went to the classics, a funny conversation enticed me to listen.

Girl: Kanang, wala na man ang mga tsada na libro. Hala ka oh! Tsada lagi ni!!

Girl 2: Agto na ta ba. Pili nalang diha. Mulaag pa biya ta.

Girl: Kadyut lang. Palit sa ko ug libro para malingaw ko unya. Tindog sa ko uy. Sakit kaayo mag lingkod.

*and so on and so forth*

I was intrigued about the book the girl was talking about. Angels and Demons? Da Vinci? Don Quixote? When I glanced, it was Tagalog Love Novels. Oh. And the girl was still what, elementary? My friends and I had a laugh about those romance novels once. She read some passages about the book and it was really.....R-18ish. I'm not going to get into the details but if that's what most of the youth is gobbling out right now, consider me love sick.

I found the book I was looking for (Les Miserables) and asked Dad for some money to buy the book. As I patiently lined up the counter, a woman suddenly but in out of nowhere and cut in the line (the line by the way was only me and another woman who was paying). Imagine my irritation and surprise. Never once did I encounter that situation. I was always clear on where my line was. She was buying some comics, hurray for her. Finally it was my turn. I paid and got out of that bookstore as fast as possible clutching my book and breathing a sigh of relief.

Afterthought: I might have been paranoid when it came to the guard. It's his duty by the way. And a glance might just be a glance. Then again, a look is always different compared to what-are-you-doing complete with get-out stare. I hope the two girls got their romance novels (its summer, by the way) but I seriously hoped they were as good as reading their Science books (they were elementary pupils for the love of books!). As for the woman, I forgive her (-_-). I wasn't really in a line when I think about it.

Presumptions and paranoia all in the same day. It might just be a cruel joke of my imagination but then again, jokes are half-meant.

Angst of Mental Constipation

2006-03-28T00:56:00.000-08:00

Stick me to a post and tie me up with my baby nephew. Let me stick it out with my dead cellphone. Stick some post-its or whatever to my forehead! Just don't let me get stuck with boredom.

It sticks to me the way a greedy child can't get his fingers off that birthday cake. No matter what I do, it doesn't go away and leave me alone. I watched tv, surfed the net, slept, listened to the radio and ate koko crunch with a good serving of milk in the middle of the afternoon and still.....I'm bored. In the background, there's a guy saying "I wanna live my life like everybody else." over and over again. Boredom. I want to murder it.

I had 5 hours of tv time, 6 hours of sleeping time, 3 hours of surfing, 56 scoops of koko crunch, 5,000 blinks the past 4 hours, 70 punches of my cellphone's keypad and 8 yawns. I feel like a 50 year old and I have a temperament of a 5 year old. This is all because of boredom. Please, let me live!!!

Don't worry. I'll probably wake up from boredom like a chick suddenly cracking from its shell. If I'll do, I'll shout at the top of my lungs and make my life less dusty (I already tried shouting..in my mind).

I'm going to get a Ph.D. Get a cool car. Get all the poor kids and give them a better life or get a charity and support it. But right now, I have to get out of boredom and get a life.

Boredumb!

2006-03-27T22:04:00.001-08:00

We should live our life to the fullest. Don't waste any moment. Live every second, make every day count.
Live like you would die tomorrow....or the next hour.....or this second.

Then, why am I bored?

Ah, yes!Boredom......this stupid vacuum of thoughts that you just can't get out of.
Save me, I can't write anything. I don't want to write about this stupid predicament.
This is officially......

the constipation of the human brain (hey!that's a nice book title).
See ya there!

I-ce-cri-me-for-sa-le?

2006-03-25T00:55:00.000-08:00

I scream, You scream, we all scream for ICE CREAM!!!!!!

I can't put my finger on it...but ice cream has a magical properties. When manang bought mango (that classic mango flavor I always ate when I was 5), my eyes lighted up like a firefly's glow when its dark. I gobbled it up in mom's office and gobbled up some more when I came home. Its magic still lingers within me, giving me a tingling feeling in my bones.

Maybe it's sugar rush or just the way I haven't eaten one in a very long time. I treated it like what a fish would do when it's suddenly plopped back to the water. Because of the cream, I actually asked my parents if they wanted water and never grumbled when father asked me to get some ice cream in the fridge. In fact, I stared up the sky and smiled at the billowing clouds above me.

There's just some things that can give you that natural high. It might be the sight of a friend, a phone call, a message, pasta......you name it. I've experienced so many nh's in my life. Last week, it was buying 2 new pocketbooks. The weeks before, finishing the exams. 2 year ago, graduation.And now, ice cream. A friend once said she loved ice cream so much she ate it every morning. I thought she'd gone crazy. I now see why.

Without ice cream life and fame are meaningless------Anonymous

To stop

2006-03-24T04:27:00.000-08:00

Everyday, I wake up to the sight of sunbeams gently passing through my window, and the ever reliable applemango tree with its yellowbell flowers entwining it. And I look at my surroundings, gazing at the book I read the night before, the mp3 I listened to before I fell asleep, and the pile of newspapers in the corner, and the lamp light I used, and the mirror, the other bed.......an assortment of things!

I then proceed to watch tv and after the commercial, go down to get some breakfast (usually cereal). I come back just in time to see FRIENDS and laugh out loud at Phoebe. Then, after gobbling up my cereal, it's tv time whole morning (considering I already took a bath, summer heat is just sooo unbearable sometimes).

And the rest of the day pasts like as if time stopped for me and only the sky was moving at its normal pace. After lunch, I would read the book, and sleep at siesta hour. And by the end of the day (with tv, meals, books and surfing in between), I settle comfortably in my bed and think of how life can be so precious. I suddenly found the beauty in all the things. I stopped to smell the roses and the roses welcomed me back.

Summer can be magical and its working wonders on me. And when sleep silently preys on me, at a last final attempt, I open my eyes and see the shimmer the street lights play on my windowpane. With that, I finally yield, and wake in joyful slumbers.

Children yet, the tale to hear,
Eager eye and willing ear,
Lovingly shall nestle near.

In a Wonderland they lie,
Dreaming as the days go by,
Dreaming as the summers die:

Ever drifting down the stream --
Lingering in the golden gleam --
Life what is it but a dream?

-------------Lewis Carrol

I don't know anymore!!!!!!

2006-03-23T23:35:00.000-08:00

The days just pass by me as if I was a shrub beside a growing tree. Since the start of summer, I have become disoriented with what date, day or time it is. It's weird, when once I would respond directly if asked what day it is, now all I can say is "It's summer. Is there still Alpine?".

Oh yes, with the advent of summer, I can't possibly worry myself with time, right? Forget time, I'll live in a virtual time zone all by my lonesome with time stopping to a slow tick like a snail on top of a turtle walking in a path which is very dry and barren.

But because of this consequence, I have become disoriented with my surroundings. I don't care if I wake up at 9! It's summer! I don't care if its a Monday, it's so hot!

I still muse though when someone tells me what day it is. "What? It's Wednesday? It would be....umm....our Philippine History by now!" or "Yes, no Science today!". Then, I'll realize oh wait.....it's summer. There is no school (hollow voice with a tint of awe).

I guess it's what summer can do to you if you're just a student doing nothing but watch tv, eat, read books and sleep. I'll have to deal with this indifference for quite awhile. Kidding aside, what day is it today?

And the clouds pass through

As I wander my way

And the sky turns blue

It's not even Wednesday

Hibernation and World Domination

2006-03-21T06:22:00.000-08:00

I am paying tribute to this wonderful piece of metal and gear called the airconditioner (praise!praise!all sing praise!!). What a help it can be in these hot summer months called summer.

For the past weeks, I have increasingly spent quality time NOT in front of the tv but in a cool and heat-hating place called my room with an airconditioner. I don't want to leave that north pole! I want to stay and freeze there with my glass of lemonade and my good book. But, yes, (my) creature comforts have to be satisfied. So, once in awhile, I go out and enter...the burning core of the sun.

Oh but I have a plan! I just watched a Discovery Channel program a long, long time ago that focused on hibernating bears somewhere in the frigid zones. And suddenly, out of my musings in my bed, I had an idea. So that I will NEVER leave my Aspens, I will.....HIBERNATE (I am sooooo good!!!!).

How, you ask, would I make this absurd (puny mortal!) plan come true?!?!? Snivelling copperfreak! I will hibernate because I can hibernate! And if I do, I will RULE THE WORLD!!!!!!(after.....3 months?????)

My hiber-SENSATION plan: (ssh...do not DARE imitate)

I will go to the mall's grocery center and get everything essential there (mr. chips, tropicana and water). After I get everything essential, I buy a new pillow and pillow sheet and buy every book I find interesting (3 months is a very loooong time to hibernate). I go home and make myself bloatingly fat with some of the essentials and 3 servings of breakfast, lunch and dinner and enter the iced zone of my room.

Then I sleep. When I wake up, I eat and read. Then sleep. I will lock the door and make sure it's made out of some VERY thick and hard material with only me having the key. And I'll continue to sleep, and eat and read...and eat, and read and sleep.....and read and sleep and eat.........until.......

3 months! I'll alarm my phone for the end of summer heat. Extremely bloated, diabetic, sneezing, coughing and carrying many of the deadliest disease in my body, I go out of the snowing room (which by then has evolved to the Mesozoic Era.....containing mini dinosaurs???). And, I'll go back to being a normal, human (bear) being (if i don't die in my hibernation months or get shocked by the change of temperature and rushed to the hospital or grow bored and open the door to summer or the airconditioner is fully on forever or I don't get killed by the dinosaurs inhabiting my mini-planet).

Hahaha!!!I'll survive the summer heat and RULE THE WORLD (or nation)!!!!!Because by then, everyone would be so tired and cranky from the prickly heat. And there I would be amidst World War III saying something like this....

Dodong: I will kill you, Ondong because it's so hot! (Dodong is a politician)

Ondong: Not if I kill you first! (Ondong is a scientist who failed to solve global warming)

*knives are drawn. just when D&O are about to strike.......

Me: STOP IN THE NAME OF AIRCONDITONERS!I am here to rule the world!

*Dodong and Ondong bow down and make me the president*

Ha! Foolish mortals! Because of my ingenious plan, I am the President! And just because I watch tv.

I am so good.

Goodbyes and Good life

2006-03-21T03:18:00.000-08:00

Official. Final. Certified. Legitimate. Authorized. Approved. Irrevocable. It's the end.
Dead end. The point of NO RETURN.

Blossoming .Initiation. Launching. Introduction. Development. Unfolding. It's the Beginning.
Creation. The START.

The end and the beginning. The finish and the start. The death and the life.

It's absolutely the end of school. It's definitely the beginning of summer.

Say goodbye everyone....

and say hello to that good friend called Summer.

Skyper

2006-03-20T05:10:00.001-08:00

Quiet days are now before me. With the sun now at it's prime, I expect it to love my skin and warm it up to the epidermis. Blue skies are now in sight with cirrus clouds giving it some added color. And where am I with all this sunny paradiso around? Well, you can find me in a particular place in my house, under a blue roof, above 6 floors and feeling on top of the world. Yup, I will be in my own little tower, enjoying the cool winds and the blue, blue heavens.

I'll sleep the lazy afternoons through (especially if its a Sunday) and hoard my own mini-library with all the good books I can find. With a cold, glass of juice beside me, I will contemplate on things like the meaning of life and the meaning of existence. I will stop to look at the clouds and gaze at their beauty. I won't hesistate to explore the sky and fly right through it. Yes, I'll soar with all my might.

In that quiet afternoon, I would feel contented. Knowing that, I am at the right place at the right time, enjoying my humanity and giving life a better look through all its haze.

Skies the limit. Meet you there.^^

Waking Up

2006-03-18T07:03:00.001-08:00

There are moments in life that can wake you up from your sleeping, dreamy status and give you a shout. It might be in the form of a person, an incident, anecdote, story, place.....even just a small moment. Just a look from another person, just a glimpse, just a second can change your life and the way you look at things. That is what happened to me and that small moment has been an eye-opener.

I was just sipping my mango shake in a pretty upbeat cafe.While my mom and her client were talking about important matters, I was lost in my own little world. Thinking about what I would do this summer and trying not to have a brainfreeze.I sat in front of an untinted window. I was able to see the motorelas and bananacue vendors and people passing by outside the cafe. Trying hard not to look at them though, I felt guilty everytime I did. Who wouldn't when some people stared at me because I was just sipping a shake while they were outside in the excrutiatingly hot sun.Plus, the people who passed by where somehow hard-up and haggard looking. The motorelas were loud, the vendors were sweating like hell, the people looked as if they were giving up on life and here I was, a shake-sipper, enjoying the cool, airconditioned room in a cafe. And to think, just glass and cement were separating me from them!

Despite that, I kept my cool. I just stared into my shake most of the time and tried to understand what mom and her client were saying. Just as I was coming to my comfort zone again, it happened. Reality bit me...and I almost fainted from her bite.

A girl stopped for a few seconds to look at my shake and to rearrange her brown, empty folder. The look on her face. Her hair was all askew and uncombed. Her uniform was dirty and wrinkled. Oh but her face! The way she stared at me and that thing. In those few seconds when I looked at her, I saw how hard life can be and so sad. She hurriedly walked away, but when I followed her path, she suddenly stopped because a bunch of young men were carelessly blocking her way (it was a narrow path). She had to stop and I could only see her brown (probably from too much sun) hair. I couldn't look anymore. It was so sad.

I can't remember her face anymore...but I do remember her eyes.The eyes that gave me the shivers and was the first pair of eyes that opened to its owner's soul. The sadness, the confusion, the longing.....I couldn't just trap myself anymore in my little world. It wasn't fair for me and to others.

Wherever that girl is, may she find peace in her unsettled heart. I imagine a father drunk, a mother haggard, her little siblings and her older good-for-nothings. I imagine her quick steps, her tired eyes, her faded dreams, her bitterness... her longing.

Let's wake up people. There are many people in this country who have those same faces. Let's not be indifferent. Let's live a better life. We may not do much, but at least we can try. For those kind of girls, for those tired moms, for those drivers, those vendors, those children...a soul is waiting to be filled by others and an eye is hoping for a better day.

(If you can suggest a charity in CDO, please contact me.I want to help.And maybe you can too. For that girl and for everyone else.)

Happy days

2006-03-16T03:55:00.000-08:00

I woke up in the morning and felt something different.Never (and I mean never) in my life had I awoken from my sleep more rested and peaceful than EVER before.I looked at my wristwatch.It was almost 8:00.Holy shiatsu!I'm gonna be late for school!Then I realized.....there was no school[insert hollow and I-just-remembered-that voice about...here].It was already summer.

My day passed like a dream. I went to school (yes,it was summer but I had to go because of some last minute projects) feeling not the least obligated and carefree.I didn't have to worry about some stupid exam nor that hard activity card. I was free at last!It was summer and I was loooving it.

By the end of the day,I was going home to my house once again.When I reached it,I immediately felt at peace and happiness flooded over me.I went straight to the kitchen and got me some drinking glass.Walked lazily to the water dispenser and drank some water like I always did in my school days.But now,something changed.....a smile now crossed my face and made me laugh.

Heavenly

2006-03-15T05:47:00.000-08:00

This was taken from my notebook.....March 7,2006...English time

-I once saw a star in the sky. Its brightness engulfed my being. That was long ago. It's twinkling somewhere else....

In my heaven, there will always be rain in the morning. That kind of rain that's soft and shimmery. The wind would blow unto my face and the drops would shower my skin and just pierce my soul.

The sun would shine in the last few hours of the day. The clouds would glow pink or orange and the fluffy things would bask in the sun's glory. Oh those beautiful sights!

When the sun slowly fades in the horizon, a star or two would suddenly twinkle out into the sky. One by one, they unfold their tiny dresses and they (so vain!),danice in the light of thier companions. It would be like a ball! Masquerades, twirls.....aah! It would be a beauty to look at each one. I know I could discern their faces. They'll smile at me and invite me to come join them.

And I'll soar! With the moon to guide me, I'll fly! The happiness I'd feel with the rushing wind passing me. When I reach the sky, I'd curtsey to the glowing things and give them a nod or two. I'll dance with them for hours and my laughter will always mingle with their tinkling voices.

My heaven! Oh! And I'll smile contentedly and say goodye to the stars.

(I just finished reading "The Five People You Meet in Heaven"...sweet inspiration^^)

On summer days

2006-03-15T02:34:00.000-08:00

-all things come to an end......all winters become springs...and spring turns to fall.....and fall to summer...-

I slowly walked away from school. It suddenly seemed quiet and dull.Plus, the sky was kinda gloomy blue (I felt like I was in a Coldplay video...).My sense of hearing got heightened as if it was a new-born ear (right....).A radio suddenly blared out of the blue.From that moment on, I knew the winds of change blew onto my face.School bowed out and summer finally greeted me with a kiss and its characteristic sunny smile.

My freshmen year has finally ended.Now,it is just memories filled with both joy and sadness and one helluva experience.It's still new to me.I can't believe that I'm not really a freshmen anymore but becoming a sophomore.

I saw the Grade 6 batch practicing their graduation and congratulated their valedictorian, knowing that I experienced that Grade 6 life. I once heard that "graduation march", I wore the toga and I felt that sense of pride of finally accomplishing something good. Now, as a schoolyear ends, I never felt so wistful in my whole entire life and the memories suddenly flooded my mind.

I also saw the 4th year batch saying thanks to us undergrads for the times they have shared with us. They'll not be with us next year and they're going to march with their diplomas soon. I'm at a loss for words. All I can say is, I haven't felt the emotions yet of never studying in my alma mater ever again but I do know how it feels like when you're leaving something you've known for so long (Grade 6 coming to me again....).

I sank to my bed and saw the clouds basking with the fading sun.Oh summer! Time has flown so fast. I feel like as if I just finished the freshmen orientation. But no, summer has come and I know summer will be gone too.

In a way,I will always leave a piece of my soul in each stage of my life. I left a part of me in my Grade 6 and now, in my 1st year life. It bleeds sometimes, me being a person who always wants to remember the good ol' days. Yes, summer has finally come. I embrace it with open arms and love it to the core. But, like a classmate once said "It cuts like a knife.". I'm no longer a freshmen. And summer is here to be like that in-between place. With that, I respectfully bid goodbye to the bygone years of my life...and welcome a new and rising sun.

-time goes by....it leaves traces.....it leaves memories.......-

Mooning around

1990-03-18T19:17:00.000-08:00

There is something about the moon that makes me feel so humble. Whenever I look upwards at night in a cloudless sky, the moon would always come and greet me with its light. In lonely nights up atop the third floor, I could only do so much not to stop for hours and hours to admire it (and sleep outside).

It's sometimes the solitary object amidst the vast sky. It takes many forms and shapes. Some nights, I see it in a crescent shape. In others a half of a face. And still on some special nights, it would be full and glowing. If heaven permits it, the stars would accompany it serving sometimes as her crown and dress. In those kind of nights, it doesn't seem impossible to hold it in your hands and make it your moon.

The world is a brighter place after all when you think about it. Yes, there are wars, poverty and moral death happening everywhere. But you just have to look at the sky and search for the moon and other heavenly objects. Look at the moon, even if there are many craters in its surface, it still shines for others. Let's stop and look for the moon in each of us. Though we may have many craters, let us not grow dim. Let's be the moon and let's shine for the world.